My poem, "The Bride of Dracula's Gynecologist on Career Day" is up on Poor Mojo's Almanac(k).  Click on the poem title to read it.

According to the <a href="http://orlandoweekly.com/">Orlando Weekly</a>, I'm not only Stuff To Do, but tonight's show is a good upcoming event. Wow.

My poem, "Reciprocation", is in the July 2009 issue of decomP.  Please enjoy.

I thought the work was edited for content because it looked so different.  Work still intact.  Yay for not withdrawing.

My poem, "Check Yes", is in the Summer 2009 issue of riverbabble.  Click here to read it.

I'm this month's feature at Ugly Cousin.  Go forth and check it out.

-In a parking lot while waiting for Highway Patrol to come and assess the accident we got in after seeing Kings of Leon.  We were rear ended by an out of state driver and wanted to make sure that someone's insurance would pay for the damages.  I'll let my wife be colorful about the story. 

Your poetry makes
people wet only because
you spit all over.

Poetry Midwest #23 is finally up. Go forth and read it.

-Dick Cheney is The Klute's great, great, great grandson?  According to the Secretary of Time Travel, John Bonham Lennon, this is true.  According to Mr. Lennon, "Before we could track him down and bring him back to the year 2209, he already entrenched himself in your government.  Cheney's heart isn't a heart; it's a cpu where all of his memories are kept.  Everytime he goes under the knife, he gets a new body."  Mr. Lennon believes Cheney went back in time "to solidify The Klute's literary legacy".  In between eating babies, Cheney refused to issue a comment.

-How did Laura Yes Yes get her performance name?  By saying no, a lot.  This Bay Area heartbreaker collected pick up lines like Chris August collected cock rings and wore them like earings.  Her personal favorite: "If you were a 19th century mansion, I'd be the crowbar that opens up the foyer of your smile."

-Big Poppa E is actually big...with his delusions.  Police arrested him at Freebirds, where he walked across the tables ranting, "I am the Gulliver to your Lilliput, bitches.  Bow down before me!"  He was later released on his own recognisance. 

-At the 2009 National Poetry Slam, Amy David will attempt to complete the elusive sexual act known as the starfish.  The starfish, for those who are unaware, is where a person has all major orfices filled (mouth, anus, vagina) while giving a hand job to a person to the left and right of them.  When executed, the person looks splayed out, like a starfish.  Ms. David has added an additional wrinkle: you must have appeared on a finals stage as a competitor or been on Def Poetry Jam/Brave New Voices.  Ms. David stated, "If I am to truly become a starfish, then each point should be a star themselves in the poetry slam universe."  To apply, contact nps09starfish@gmail.com.

I'm in Dogmatika.  Go forth and read.  Tell your friends.

-Sources close to PSi reported their latest fundraiser effort: phone sex.  Steve March states, "I know phone sex is antiquated, but people are still willing to pay $3.95 a minute to hear me act like a nubile 17-year-old with a penchant for S&M and immolation."  So far, PSi rose $121.65.

-VH1 is in talks with Anis Mojgani to star in his own of Love dating series.  Producers say it will most likely take place on a private plane, where Mojgani travels from tour venue to tour venue.  When a woman is eliminated, she will be pushed out of the plane with a parachute.  Whether or not the parachute works will be up to the chute the woman picked at the beginning of the show.

-According to the Chicago community, Alvin Lau likes to seduce women wearing a mask that resembles the face of J. Bradley.  Lau stated "Hatred is such an aphrodiasic.  My hate for him turns on the ladies so much, I feel like I'm swimming up a waterfall."  J. Bradley has not issued a comment.  

Danny Sherrard is into cougars.  What makes this so shocking is that he is into actual cougars, not the euphimism it represents.  Danny told NaNoPoRuWriMo, "Cougars are fierce and etherial.  They tear the rain into sundrops, the moon into gumdrops, my pants into cough drops.  I don't care what the nurses at the emergency room say, I will never stop loving cougars."  Can Danny survive this love?  Only poetry will tell.